Volume I Version I   ☼   Today is 

REFLECTIONS BY REV. FR. EDGAR SIGUA

ON THE PRIESTHOOD

THESE I CHOSE?

I chose to celebrate mass everyday, to rise up even if I still        wanted to sleep, to say it 5-7

            times on Sat. & Sun. as if mechanically and sadly           sometimes lackadaisically.

I chose to go to fur flung-flung barrios to say the same thing over           again, to be tired and

            go home with luckily, a few change or nothing at all!

I chose to be called on any time to visit their sick, pray and administer the last sacrament

            even on unholy hour and wee mornings. And go home stunk with the smell of death.

I chose to hear the secrets of people up to the barest of their souls and drooped down to

            myself, “Oh my God!”

I chose to preach to people on every occasion, day in and day out. And go to bed asking

            myself, “Did I come across their hearts? Did the words of my Master create effects

            in their lives? (As if nothing has changed?)

I chose to bond the union of husbands and wives, witnessing to their vow of fidelity and

            love for each other. And be witness as well towards their becoming dysfunctional

            family.

I chose to baptize people with the hope that their lives will exemplify the teachings of the

            Master. But Christian as their lives ought to be, but no more than in name.

I chose to live a celibate life in this young, aggressive and vibrant body. How long and

            difficult it is amidst the cold nights of swirling passions.

I chose to live in the community of fellow workers with the vision of reflecting a community

            of disciples. Whereof, a band of selfless dedicated and committed men who can

            transcend their disparities and values and beliefs. A community who can set aside

            each other’s differences and outgrow personal whims and caprices for the Church’s

            sake? (Everyday I wonder if I’m really in.)

I chose to place subservience to a ‘father’ to whom I can cling just like a little child

            believed, trusted and cared no matter the odds maybe? To whom I can regard to be a

            friend unraveling to him my every concerns, limitations and vulnerabilities no holds          barred? And whom I hope to be our skipper who can steer with his own unswerving

            hands, definite on the ship’s direction and undaunted by the ship’s rough sailing?

            (Did you send one, Lord?)

            These made me ask, “Did I choose right? How long will I live these choices? Do I still have choices in life? (Lord, nagtatanong lang. I knew you called and chose me. No offense meant)

THE GOD IN MY CHOICES

God chose me to celebrate mass, the mystery of His love for all because despite of my

            unworthiness, He treats me in a special way and through His grace letting me realize

            as an instrument of his saving and life-giving act for all people.

God chose me to be His feet and hands and let Him be felt by people in suburbs and villages

            constraint by comfort and material conveniences. And go back home bringing rich with

            the joy of friendships and camaraderie.

God chose me to be called at any time to visit the sick and dying and be like a fragile

            eastern vessel, bearing his gifts of healing for their hurts and wounds caused by

            temporal and spiritual infirmities. And at times go home filled with alluring smell of

            God’s gift of freedom that is, death.

God chose me to hear the secrets of people and be His ears listening humbly and in sincere

            sympathy on accounts of sufferings which sin employed on them. And to act in His

            behalf in loosening bonds from the curse of deadly sin onto breaking chains so as to

            be free.

God chose me to preach God’s word in season or out of season, day in or day out. I no

            longer had worrying if the words of my Master sunk deep in the hearts of men and

            women. Now, am fully aware that mine is the planting and watering and it is God’s

            sun doing the growth and bearing of fruits in His proper time.

God chose me to bond the union of man and woman to show His love concretely, blessing

            them to be builders of home-school of love. And be all the more present for them

            even in their time of crisis and brokenness.

God chose me to be his hand to baptize the water of faith for people to be reborn in the new

            Life in God; to anoint the chrism oil for their initiation in their sharing in Christ’s

            prophetic, kingly and priestly roles.

God chose me to live a celibate life where I can be in total availability in service for God’s

            people. Not to sacrifice one’s life but to willingly align one’s dream fitting in God’s

            vision for men. While most modern psychology’s basic dictum is to love ourselves,

            feel good about ourselves, realize the maleness, femaleness or human-ness in us,

            God offers me the living up of the divine life in my human life.

God chose me to live in the community of fellow workers similar to a community of

            Disciples, where the plethora of differences and disparities become a common field

            to be shared; where everyone can be selfless for the noblest intention; where such

            community radiates light immensely reflecting to people eventually their lives be

            fully influenced as well towards a well desired Church for all, by all and of all.

God chose me to place subservience to a “Father” who will take care of me, believe me and

            defend me against all odds and convincingly indeed he is, for what matters most in

            him is that generous and selfless love for all of us. He can be a friend to whom one

            can bare his soul without fear of being incriminated. He can be a brother who can

            celebrate the joys and cry the tears; does not keep a record of failures,

            disappointments and missed expectations. (Salamat po Diyos, pinarating mo na.)

Nearing 12 years as a priest, I finally had hurdle the questions of my choices. But, I certainly believed, still more questions of choices will come my way. But doubt and anxiety no longer fear me because God keeps me company, keeps patient on me, and keeps confidence on me. Need a proof? Well he sends Fr. Soc. HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

                                                                                                            Loving you,

                                                                                                            Fr. Edgar Sigua